2 A.M. & my mind is playing that scene over and over again. There’s a lump in my throat and the tears escape from my eyes. I try so hard to fall asleep, to forget… but my thoughts and memories consume me. It’s not nostalgia either, it’s the horrible things that have happen to me that keep me awake. 3 A.M. & I’m finally going to sleep, except for the fact that I’m still not free yet because of the nightmares I will get of the memories that I can’t forget.
omfg, yesss! Spring Break is already here for me. I’m literally daydreaming in all of my classes waiting for Friday to come!
Things to look forward to:
- Hollywood Idol
- spending time with steff & uncle luis.
- mini golf with the best.
- movie theaters on friday also with the best.
- eating pizza.
- no mr. lange/ carmicle for a week.
- getting new toms.
- VAMPIRE DIARIES. <3
alright, well toodaloo now.
Go on, read every conversation we had. right now. Maybe we had long hours of texting or we spent our nights talking on facebook. It doesn’t matter what the case is. You should read them and delete them all. There’s no point of holding onto something if it can’t go back to the way it was before. As for me, I have like 10 conversations to read, and delete. Well, that just shows how bad I am at keeping people in my life. No regrets though. None at all.
Here’s a little update about my whereabouts.
- planning mr. lange’s “accidental” death.
fuuursty asked: nope
Man, I really need to get my shit together or I’ll never finish my paper on time. It’s times like these when i wished it could just write itself or something.
I’m surprised that I’m still tolerating everything at this point in my life. Everything has gone down hill, but instead of breaking down into tears, I try to live day by day without giving up a fight. I fight to keep myself together. I cannot become the person I once promised myself I would never be. I need to look at the positive outcomes of things, but most of the time there are not any. With reality clashing down on me, I feel the tears forming in my eyes because I know things will never be the same, but I can’t give up. Not yet. I need to prove to myself that I am strong.
I don’t know why I have to deal with a lot of responsiblities that aren’t even mine. I have school to worry about & sometimes I feel like I could barely handle that. What makes you think that I want to go home to take care of kids that aren’t even mine? If you’re the one having kids, you take care of them. Don’t worry about me cause I could take care of myself. Trust me, if I had the chance to get out of there, I would have already done it. Not because I don’t love you, but because I need space to do my own things. Things are getting harder for the both of us, & I like helping you, but you don’t appreciate all I do for you. Your nagging makes me feel like a burden & I feel left out most of the time. Not like being alone bothers me, because I’ve always been used to that, but being acknowledged once in a while would be nice.
Well, I’m finished ranting about the same ole’ stuff. Ciao.
Silence. Something was missing. All that chaos that complicated my life was gone. I was all alone. I had one day to myself. It was almost too good to be true, but I had no idea how to spend that day. Maybe go out with a friend or two. Maybe go out on my own and do whatever the hell I want. In reality, I enjoyed my day sleeping in, doing math hw in peace, and ordered thai food so that I could eat yummy food while i watched vampire diaries. I took the longest shower ever and when i got out, i read a little. I almost cried when i realized that my day alone was almost over, but it was nice to get a well deserved break, even if it was just for a day.
I envy people that know what they want to do with their life. I mean, honestly, all I want is to fuckin get lost in my imagination in order to escape the shitty reality that I live in. I don’t want any responsibilities. I want to sit my butt on the couch all the time, eat chips, and become one of those people that don’t come out of their homes for years.